🎙 87. Q&A: What if the Only Permission You Need is Your Own?

the spiritual 9-5 podcast transcript

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Episode Published on March 27, 2025

Transcript:

Welcome to another Spiritual 9-5 MINI episode, where we are here to 

• answer a question, from coaching wisdom, from experience, from the tarot, from astrology or human design, from surfing, business or, spirit

• In one recorded take, but also with one hot take not all of the takes

• So, your invitation today is to take what serves, and leave what doesn’t. 

The inspiration for this minisode comes from a client who asked me, “how do I stop asking for permission?” 

What a beautiful freaking question. How do we stop asking for permission all the damn time? 

Well first, we have to be aware that we are seeking or sourcing or indirectly asking for permission in the first place. 

Which is beautiful because if you are asking this question “how do I stop asking for permission” you are aware that you are seeking permission in one or more facets of your life. So then the awareness gets to be honed down to the very moments when we are seeking permission or approval - so that we can choose something different.

But I also think it’s worth mentioning that we are probably all adults here, and we don’t need permission to live our lives, which includes going big, if that’s what we want.

Let’s talk about it. But let’s start by taking a deep breath together.  

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I think that a truth is that so much of what mobilizes us into meaningful action is the recognition and the permission to move, the permission to take action. The realization that a desire or ambition is worthy of pursuit.

I also think that occasionally, we get caught up in the looking for and the waiting for someone else to tell us that what we want is worthy of taking action, or that we ourselves are worthy to take action.

And whether we are asking for it or not, we want someone to notice us. We want to be discovered. We want to be seen.

And sometimes we wait for this seen-ness or for our discovery by someone outside of us, before we allow ourselves to go all in. 

This is a storyline rooted in so many of the narratives that we have grown up ingesting, which is – to be found.

Which is that someone else sees the greatness in the main character. Someone else recognizes the magic. Someone else sees the capabilities before they are fully developed. Someone else sees potential.

And it’s this someone else seeing the greatness that kicks the hero off into being a hero at all. 

And we’ve just been ingesting this story again and again again. And this is not (the only reason) why we ask for or seek permission in the doings of our lives. But I think it’s a big enough, common enough story, to not overlook. 

Let me tell you one of my own stories. In 2021, an astrologer told me that I had psychic medium all over my chart. I was both shocked and not shocked. When I was a kid, I used to see fairies, and dead people. I know this sounds insane. I’m ok with it at this point. So this astrologer said, “Marie, what are you doing with this?” 

And I said, “Nothing. I waited for the invitation, and when it didn’t come, I moved on with my life.” 

Then I told her about a woman who instilled in me a version of the hero’s journey that I shared above. You see, when I was a kid, she told me that if you have the gift, an adult will see it and gift you a set of tarot cards. And man, when I was kid, I had so many gifts. Don’t we all? And like 90% of them, adults never saw. Why? Probably because they were living their lives! Also probably because I was shy!

People aren’t paying nearly as much attention to us as we are paying attention to us – even when we are children. People, even adults when we are children, are unreliable at seeing us as clearly as we can see ourselves. 

And sometimes even professionals miss what is right in front of them. 

I’m saying this because you should never place your value, your skill, your gifts and talents and worth and abilities in the hands or the eyes of anyone but yourself. Because your life is no one’s responsibility but your own. 

So I think it’s funny when we ask for permission. I think it’s funny when we source validation from someone else, who can’t see us the way we see us. 

If you have a desire in your heart. If you have a secret gift or talent, or if you see dead people, if you want to start a business doing something you have little experience in, if you want to be a painter but you’ve never painted, if you want to monetize the thing that you do and have done for the last 15 years of your life, if you want to switch fields – whatever

Let me say to you what this astrologer said to me, which was “Marie, consider this your invitation. Go buy yourself some tarot cards!”
And from me to you: Dear listener – consider this your permission, your invitation, and go do the fucking thing that you want to do deep within your heart. 

You don’t have to know why. You don’t have to be good at it immediately, or ever. You don’t have to monetize it or make it your life’s purpose. You don’t have to explain it to anyone. It doesn’t have to make sense in any way, shape or form. 

You just have to start. Allow yourself the freedom and the permission to see where your desires take you. 

Because you don’t have to earn your desires. You can just want something and then try it.

Your life truly begins when you stop waiting for someone else to see you and validate you and give you permission or encouragement or even manage you into your dreams. I know that this is not how the hero’s journey is normally depicted for us in the books and the movies. 

But this isn’t a movie. This is your life.

And, your life truly begins when you decide to see yourself, when you take ownership in the recognition of your own power, greatness, magic, uniqueness, and ability. Your life begins when you are no longer waiting for or asking for or sourcing permission to step into your magic, but when you give yourself that permission. 

When you become your initiator, your guide, your biggest fan, your reason for waking up every morning. When you hire the freaking coach to support you and keep you honest, because no one needs to tell you that your pursuits are worthy of pursuing. You do that first. You get to do that, first.

Your life truly begins when you take the reigns into your own hands and claim it. 

And I could say the same thing about your business, your career, or anything it is that you spend your time doing. 

If you want it, don’t ask for it. 

Which, was not quite the question that was asked, was it? How do we stop asking for permission – hm, how about this:

We realize that we are the only ones we need permission from. 

And then we pay attention. We pay attention to when we are sourcing that permission elsewhere, which can be subtle. We pay attention to the moments where we feel less worthy, less valid, less able and rather than seeking confirmation that what we want to be doing is worthwhile, or good, or reasonable, or whatever – we seek the support we need to take action instead. 

And asking for support is very different than asking for permission. 

Permission is: “hey is this worth doing?” “should I do this?” 

Permission is: “hey here are all the reasons why this makes sense, what do you think?” 

Asking for support is like “hey I’m doing this. I’m having trouble getting started, can you help me?” 

Or, “hey, can you walk with me as I figure this out?” 

Do you see the difference? 

Permission comes with the intention of seeking validation that what you are about to do is worth doing, or that you are the right person to do it. And PSA, most people are not going to give it to you right away. Have you ever noticed that? When you bring a brilliant idea to someone you know and they shoot it down immediately? 

Yeah, we aren’t doing that anymore. We aren’t giving people permission to tell us no. 

We get to decide. We decide first, then we get the support we need to see it through. 

Because you are the ruler of your life. No one else is living it for you, so let’s try not to be living for someone else, yeah? 

Cool. Let’s take a breath. 

Exhale. Deep inhale for 1 2 3 4, hold for 3 2 1. Exhale for 4 3 2 1, hold for 3 2 1. Release. 

Go do the things.