🎙️83. Oversaturated, Overwhelmed and Existential: Finding Meaning and Fulfillment in the Space Between
the spiritual 9-5 podcast transcript
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Episode Published on August 27, 2024
Transcript
Intro to the Intro
I am interrupting our current Woo Woo at Work series to share a personal and solo episode about overwhelm and over-saturation, and existential dread, and what I think we can do about it. We live in the dopamine hits of instant gratification and immediacy. And we live in a culture that values productivity and action and movement and forward momentum, and a constant doing and producing.
The truth is, I think, we don't value spaciousness and emptiness and nothingness, or at least we don't value these things enough to action them or to be in them, to be in the emptiness or spaciousness or boredom. And the truth is that we pay for that. We pay for it with shortened attention spans, existential crises, malaise and melancholy, a lack of motivation and inspiration. We lose the desire to get out of bed sometimes. We drop the ball on normally simple and mundane tasks like scheduling appointments, and the thing we told our boss we would do six weeks ago but haven't.
We lose touch with our purpose and sometimes purpose at all, which then removes us from the long game, and it feeds into the cycle of instant gratification and immediacy, of what feels good now, what deadline is looming today, what can feed us not tomorrow, but immediately.
And this episode explores what this all feels like–what it feels like to be oversaturated and overwhelmed and in existential uncertainty. And it explores how we might reclaim our time, our space, ourselves, our soul's work, real productivity, fulfillment, joy, and ease. I hope it resonates with you, and if it does, please share this episode with someone you know.
Intro music 🎶
I believe that working can be one of the most spiritual paths that we walk.
Whether that work is turning your passion into a business, or sitting behind a desk for eight hours a day, or anywhere beyond and in between. And yet, we often take the way in which we show up to work for granted, even though it's where we spend the majority of our time.
Here on The Spiritual 9–5 Podcast, we talk about that. We talk about entrepreneurship, we talk about the 9 to 5, we talk about what it's like to be multi-passionate, and talented, and inspired, and also utterly demotivated.
We are here to support you in your work, whether your work is sacred to you, or just something that you do to get by. We are here to help you see and know yourself a little bit deeper, and to inspire you to show up no matter what it is that you find.
I'm your host, Marie Groover, and like you I am as multi-passionate as they come. I'm the founder of two businesses that are here to bring the soul back into the office. I, too, work a 9 to 5 in corporate tech.
I'm a surfer, a writer, a philosopher-artist, if you will, and I'm so excited to bring you this episode today. If you haven't, please leave the show a 5-star rating, and if this episode resonates, consider saving it and sharing it with someone you think it would resonate with too.
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Maybe we don't need an abundance of possessions or money or even experiences. Maybe we don't need to be in a perpetual grind from thing to thing to thing–work to social events, to kids events, to side hustles, to plans and projects, to major life transitions, and purchases, and yoga classes and personal development workshops, and whatever else we overfill our time and effort and energy with.
Maybe what we do need is an abundance of time and empty space simply to allow ourselves to be and to trust in the process of actual presence with what is in front of us right now.
The other day I had a random slow morning in the middle of a work week. My typical morning of late is something like this: I wake up, I let my dog out, I stare at the sunrise for a few moments, I check the waves at the very same time, and then I text or I respond to texts from two of my surf besties about the conditions. We set out a paddle time, I make coffee, I get in my bathing suit, I put sunscreen on, and I make my way into the ocean to meet my friends. I surf for one to two hours and then I'm usually rushing to get out of the water and back to my house for a quick rinse before I log online and get on my first call of the day for CrowdStrike, the company that I work for currently.
It's not a bad way to start my day! Then I'm online for eight to nine hours, typically feeling low levels of stress and pressure to execute, to meet with people and to execute through them, to solve random problems that pop up, and to generally help my team and my boss function and scale, and perform well enough that we can continue to justify our jobs, and grow, and get promoted, and feel like we're adding value and productivity to the company that we all work for.
Most of my days are filled with my job, but some days I have my job and an engagement for my business that either I'm delivering or that I'm tracking because someone else is delivering it. Not every evening, but some evenings I meet with private clients, or private groups for coaching, or a reading of sorts. And when I'm not doing that, I go for a run, or I run to the Pilates studio and work out.
And then on Thursdays I offer hands-on assists for a local yoga teacher and friend who has a magical class at this local art gallery, hands-on yoga assists. And then on the weekends I try to surf as much as I can. I try to see my friends, connect with my family. I try to move my body and I try to touch my businesses all in a weekend, of time.
Since joining CrowdStrike, I have not had a lot of slow mornings. I've not had a lot of free time, just empty time and space that couldn't be filled with something that I need to do. Not need as in I don't have a choice, but where I choose to fill that time with something that feels necessary. To reach the many goals that I'm holding throughout my life and my work. And it doesn't always feel easy or joyful without my putting in the effort and the mindful practice of making it feel easy or joyful.
By the way, this experience in joining CrowdStrike and holding so much in the last six months has cultivated immense empathy within me for those of you, dear listeners, who have a full-time job and want to create something for yourself like a business, or a community offering, or just to try something new and different for you and for no one else.
I think most especially I've cultivated empathy for those of you who are parents and work full-time and have the desire to step into something that is more meaningful but maybe you're feeling trapped or stuck or limited in time and resources and energy.
Because, before CrowdStrike, I was a full-time entrepreneur. And if I had anything at all, I had time and space and freedom. And before that, I was at Microsoft for almost 10 years, and I had cultivated in my career and through healthy work culture, a spaciousness in my life as well. And it was only through that spaciousness that I was able to start a business and try something new and different and fulfilling in the first place. That is The Corporate Psychic, by the way, my first business.
Coming back into the corporate world after TBH being a bit spoiled, it feels different this time. My life is so full and jam packed that it feels truly difficult to sustain multiple endeavors at one time. And because my time is so limited, the way that I think about it today, versus two years ago, the way that I think about what I'm willing to do or not do when I do have time is so vastly different, because scarcity of time when you're working in nine to five is real. Especially if you work at demanding 9-to-5 and you have any desire to devote yourself to anything outside of work, whether that be a run club, or a business, or a project, or a community event.
And I don't know, maybe I'm also getting older, so maybe my energy levels are shifting and my priorities are shifting. You know, I pay my parents' mortgage, and I want to retire them. I want them to be able to retire and never worry about money again. And that makes me think about money, and my job, and my businesses, and the way that I spend my time and my money so differently than I did even just a couple years ago. It's a pressure.
And so many of us have these external pressures. Whether that is a family that relies on us, whether that is student debt, or a financial goal, or a life goal, or a hard circumstance or, you know, maybe redemption from past poor decision-making.
Whatever it is, we work for other people–or even for ourselves–we work in general, usually not just because we want to be working, but because we almost have to be to meet our goals, to get to where we wanna get in life, to live the lifestyles that we wanna live, but also to meet societal or condition standards and expectations that we've been raised with.
And working full-time takes a lot of time. And being in the corporate world and culture, there are few places that truly value spaciousness and emptiness, and the productivity that actually results in rest. Our entire culture is generator culture. It's produce, produce, produce. Productivity is a measure of self-worth in the very least American or Western culture, but I know we're not alone in this.
And so the other morning, I was having a slow morning for the first time in a long time where I didn't surf, where there were no texts to respond to, or maybe I was just ignoring them. There was nothing immediate for me to place my attention on, and react to, or take care of, or manage. And so I made some coffee and I cracked open a book.
Now, I still read regularly on top of everything else I hold, but currently in my life of present, reading is so rigid for me where I have a daily page number goal and I just try to hit that every single day, which, is enjoyable because I do love to read but it's so different than sitting down with a book without a time limit or a page limit but just for pure presence and pleasure.
And the other morning I got to do that and while I was reading for pleasure, indulging in a little bit of spare time, I was struck with the realization that lately I don't have enough space. Not physical space as you might guess, but mental space, emotional, and energetic space. Space to process the daily experiences of living. Space to process my job, my relationships, my experiences; space to integrate my experiences and my learning, space to ponder and contemplate.
You see, empty space is the greatest catalyst for cultivating awareness, for cultivating meaningful thought, and meaningful production. Awareness, meaningful thought, and meaningful production are the most important ingredients for successful and fulfilling work. For ourselves, and for the companies that employ us. They are also requirements for conscious work, for conscious presence, and how and what we show up in.
And yet, we so rarely give ourselves enough time or space and emptiness to get to the meaningful bits, most especially at work. But at home even, we move through our lives, filling our time with thing after thing after thing: work, chores, alcohol, family, friends, events, projects, kids, community. And then if we have kids, we fill our kids' lives with sports and activities and events and extracurriculars and scheduled play.
Basically ingraining in them a culture of do -do -do. Even in our downtime, we move from TV to tablet to phone, from app to app to app, social media, Substack, the news, podcasts, shorts, YouTube. And sometimes we are partially present to and indulging in all of this. All at the same time, I mean, when was the last time you watched TV or a movie and didn't check your phone one single time?
When was the last time you logged into work, on your laptop or at your office, and didn't look at your phone many times throughout a meeting or a task or even while checking email? We live in the dopamine hit of instant gratification, immediacy, and right now. Not the right now that is the present moment, but the right now of an ever-looming deadline or due date or item on our checklist. And we are paying the price for it.
Which is a shortened attention span, which is, if you are me, existential crisis and dread, which is lack of motivation and inspiration, which is depression and anxiety. Did you know that a CDC survey once found that 42% of young people felt so sad or hopeless in the last two weeks that they couldn't go about their normal days? I think the survey was in 2021, by the way.
And since it was in 2021, has that number increased? I read this the other morning and I was like, ‘shit, I know exactly how that feels.’ Do you know the number of days on average that I don't even want to get out of bed? It's more than I would like to admit. And I know that I'm not alone. I work with highly, highly driven and successful humans in a private coaching capacity, AKA an intimate capacity who have done and achieved so much in their lives thus far and will go on to continue to slay. And yet they too have many mornings where they don't want to get out of bed.
‘What is the point?’ They ask. And I ask, and maybe you ask, have you ever not wanted to get out of bed? Have you ever felt a low level of stress persistently and a low level of malaise? The feeling of discomfort or uneasiness where the source is undefined, where you can't quite put your finger on why you're feeling that way. Melancholic, demotivated, tired, maybe exhausted, and maybe you don't know why or you have all these stories for why it might be.
It's funny and ironic to me, for me, that during the moments of holding the most in my life, i.e. a full-time work, business, multiple businesses, friends, real friends, family, a workout routine, heaps of plans and travel. It is in these times that I feel the least certain of my contribution to the world. It is in these moments of life oversaturated, where I feel the most confused and lost and desperate for purpose, life purpose, work purpose, meaning, reason to do anything at all.
And yet it is in these moments where outwardly I look like I'm killing it. “Oh my God, Marie with her oceanfront beach house, surfs every day, pays her parents mortgage, makes great money, has two businesses, works a coveted job in cybersecurity, has real deep friendships, maintains relationships with her family and her parents, goes on surf trips, writes poetry, eats well, works out daily, has it all figured out.” [laughs]
It looks so good. I hear people praise me on the regular and I receive it and I appreciate it and I am so fucking grateful for the life that I'm living right now. Today. I am so fucking grateful for the life that I've cultivated very intentionally over years. And yes, there are many mornings where I don't want to get out of bed, but there are also so many mornings where I wake up and I'm like, ‘This is my life.’ And I feel so grateful for that.
And yet it is when I am holding all of it, that I can find myself feeling the most lost and confused and existentially uncertain and purposeless. Where I can so easily lose the connection to my Why, my big Why. And where even the smallest, most mundane tasks seem completely reasonless for me to take action on them right now.
For example, I'm gonna share something really embarrassing, my taxes. I just did my taxes in July. I hid this from the world, including my parents, because I held a lot of shame around that. I've never, ever done my taxes late before, especially this late. And I was afraid to say this out loud, to share this with the world, because I've been on my dad, a fellow self-employed person, I've been on his ass about doing his taxes every year for years for him to do it on time.
And this year, even though I've been on him about his taxes, I didn't do mine! Big shame. I was holding big shame around this. You might even be listening and gasping right now. Like, what?! Because when someone doesn't do right by the made up and agreed upon rules of our world or our society, we place a story or a meaning alongside their action. We label them things that we would also label ourselves, but that we hope no one would ever say about us or more accurately, we hope that no one would ever see those things within us.
It's part of what keeps us in line with these made up rules by the way, which is our made up stories, and our fear of being seen in quote, the bad. It's part of what keeps us from sharing and connecting deeply with other humans, which is the shame and fear of being found out in our flaws.
But I'm willing to bet, dear listener, that there are things in your life, or moments in your life, where you have completely dropped the ball on something that is so ordinary and easy and administrative like your finances and maybe credit card debt, or I don't know taking your trash out on the right days, or showing up to doctor's appointments, or making doctor's appointments, or that thing you told your boss you would do like six weeks ago but you haven't done yet.
And it's not because you're a bad person, or lazy, or irresponsible. You've made it this far in life. You're still alive, if you're listening to this right now. You are a responsible adult enough to have made it here right now. You're not bad. You're not lazy. You're not an idiot.
Sometimes when you are holding a lot, you drop some things. You make decisions to let some things go a little too far because you have other things that are maybe more important to you or weighing a little more heavily on you and you have to draw the line somewhere.
Or maybe you think, I'll just do it tomorrow, because maybe there's not so much weighing on you that seems obvious to yourself or the world, but maybe you're just part of that 42%. That doesn't always see the point in moving about a normal day.
And when you see that, when you realize that you have to look at the bigger picture. Conspirituality or, [laughs] what I'll say is modern, trendy spirituality, and personal development will tell you that the accountability is always on you. And I asked this question that I've asked before, which is who profits from that?
We are all connected. Everything is all connected. It's never just on you.
And that doesn't mean don't take accountability, but it does mean to take a look at the system or systems that you are plugged into and how they affect you. And to take a look at your overload and how it is affecting you and to simply be aware, and to give yourself enough grace so that you can keep stepping forward one foot at a time in the life that you're living right now. The next right action followed by the next right action.
Because sometimes we get so over-saturated that we miss the next right action or we lose the ability to show up for the little things, or the big things, or any of the things at all. If 42% of young people in 2021 felt so hopeless or sad that they couldn't go about their normal days, whatever you're feeling when you forget something, slip up, slip into existential dread, feel the weight of uncertainty, you are not alone.
And I've come to find that when I'm holding the most, when I'm embodying and exemplifying a dream or a fantasy of having it all, of doing it all, of being it all, that is when I find myself a little more existentially dreadful, a little more listless and purposeless and meaningless in my work and in my being.
And I've come to find that when I am free from holding so much, that when my life is relatively empty by traditional Western standards, I can explore interests without needing to monetize or explain them. It is in these moments of spaciousness where I can do things just to do them. Without spiraling into an existential crisis, without mentally analyzing the trade-offs that have to be made when I'm holding too much. It's in these moments of spaciousness where not only do I produce my most meaningful and impactful work, but I also feel the most whole, and content, and joyful, and at ease.
Going back to my two years of entrepreneurship, sans full-time employment, I produced little by traditional standards. But I produced the most in terms of meaningful work, and content, and engagement with my clients, connection with the people that I'm serving, and growth in myself and my work and in my business via that deep connection.
I had the time and the space to do the things that I wanted to do and to explore the callings of my soul, without worrying about whether it would bring ROI, or end up being scrapped, or whether anything was worth my time. If I had the desire for it, that was enough for me to take action on it, because I had so much space and time.
Whereas now, with everything in my life, I feel the weight of making a trade when I choose to experiment, or explore, or try something just to try it. I feel the weight of investing money and time and effort into any endeavor that is not guaranteed reciprocal, because I feel the scarcity of time and effort and energy and focus and resources to tackle something uncertain.
If I go have lunch with my parents, that means I'll miss out on a couple hours of my business. If I hang out with my friends, that means I'll miss out on a couple hours of my business. If I stay late and work because I feel like I need to, I'm gonna miss out on time with my friends or my family or surfing, right? It all feels like this trade-off that I'm constantly calculating in my mind.
And yet, it is in the uncertainty, it is in the spaciousness, it is in the emptiness, where we stumble into meaning, and joy, and fulfillment, and inspiration, and motivation, and energy. It's not in the trade-offs.
But it is in the emptiness. It is in the boredom. And all of this is to say to you, dear listener: ‘I get it. I finally, truly, really get it.’
I get how you're feeling when you have the desire to start a business alongside your full-time job, but you don't quite see how or why or have the gumption to see it through. I get why you might not be writing, or painting, or making art as much as you would like to be. I get why you spend countless hours scrolling your phone, shopping, consuming, and not necessarily showing up for yourself fully in the ways that you know you could be. I get why you aren't happy or fulfilled in your job or your profession or whatever you do to pay your bills. I get why people say that corporate is soul sucking.
There simply isn't enough space to process and integrate and explore the inner workings of ourselves in the world. There simply isn't enough space to stumble into greatness, and fruitful fulfillment, not in our current work culture, not in our current pop culture.
Spaciousness and emptiness are undervalued. And we have to fight that, because there is actually enough space. We just need to give it back to ourselves. We have to reclaim it.
If this resonates with you, this is what I propose. This is what I invite you into so that you can reclaim your space, and your emptiness, and your inspiration, and your motivation to do the things that light you up. And it's this list:
First, say “no” more. Say no to everything that you can that isn't 110% of fuck yes. Say no to your friends. Say no to your family. Say no to your chore list at home. Say no to your extracurriculars, to the events, to anything that will give you back some time and some place where you can just be.
I'm not saying put your chore list off for months on end. I'm saying reclaim your time where you can. Say no when you're not feeling it. Only say yes when it's 110% a yes so that you can 110% be present to whatever is there. And if you can't, say no to it. And then don't fill that time. Actually let yourself indulge in nothing, in emptiness, at every single opportunity.
Second, or maybe third, resist the urge to pick up your phone. [laughs] Set a limit for how much you can scroll the news, or social media, or your horoscope, or Reddit, or your YouTube, or whatever you indulge in half-mindlessly. Set a limit and put your phone down.
Four, don't work after hours ever, just don't. And when you get a free break at work, indulge in the moment, be in it, savor it.
Do not fill it with your fucking phone. Do not fill it with stuff that isn't due until next week or next month. Use that time to marinate. Which will actually help you be more productive in your job. So it's a win-win. When someone joins a colleague, don't check your email. Sit there in silence. Wait. Relearn the art of waiting.
Five, when you go to your next doctor's appointment, sit in the waiting room. Sit in the waiting room like one of those people we label psychopaths because they don't look at their phones or read, just sit there. Be one of those people. See what it feels like. Practice being in the nothingness.
And maybe alongside that, when you're in an airport or on a plane, don't fill your time with work. Don't try to double dip your productivity. You are where you're meant to be. Just be there. Especially if you're traveling for work. You're literally working by traveling. Notice what is around you. Notice where your mind goes. Notice what calls to you. Just notice.
If sitting in silence is uncomfortable to you, perfect. You are a modern human living in a modern world full of electronics and random shit that is designed to hold your attention and give you nothing other than time passed. Practice, relearn the art of boredom and start small. Maybe you can only marinate in emptiness for 30 seconds. Cool. Try for 45 seconds next time. Increase, try for 31 seconds next time. Increase incrementally.
And if you must, fill your time with doing something because you just simply can't sit still or be an emptiness, let that doing be play. Don't write up an email, don't pay a bill, don't clean something, don't finish that task from six weeks ago. Try a handstand. Go for a walk, sit outside, roll around on your floor, learn how to surf, pet your dog, open a fun book, not a fucking book about getting better at anything. Do something enjoyable that you do literally just to enjoy it, that has no point, that gives you nothing but joy back.
And I know, trust me, I know, your to-do list is so fucking long, how could you possibly ignore it to do something for you, for fun, for nothing? I know, just try it.
There is momentum to be made from stillness. There is true productivity that comes from rest. There is meaning and inspiration to be drawn from emptiness and spaciousness. From nothing comes some of the most profound and beautiful work, and experiences, and epiphanies, and life altering moments.
Try it. Be in nothingness.
All of this to say, once again, maybe we don't need an abundance of possessions or money or even experiences. Maybe we don't need to be in a perpetual grind from thing to thing to thing.
Maybe what we do need is an abundance of time and empty space simply to allow ourselves to be. And to trust in the process of actual presence with what is in front of us right now…
…which may be nothing at all.
Outro music 🎶
Thank you so much for listening to The Spiritual 9-5 Podcast. I'm your host, Marie Groover, and I am beyond honored that you are here.
Please follow, save, and rate the show, and if you can, share your favorite episode with a friend. It makes the world of a difference.
Connect with me on LinkedIn. I would love to hear from you what you think about the show or my work, so don't be shy. And I'm always here to connect and support you or your business through coaching, team building, and leadership development. You can find my work in the show notes.
Until next time, big love.
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Shownotes
This episode explores the importance of creating space and emptiness in our lives to cultivate awareness, meaningful thought, and meaningful production. Marie highlights the challenges of balancing multiple responsibilities and the impact of over-saturation on our well-being.
In this solo episode, Marie shares personal experiences and offers practical suggestions for reclaiming time and embracing emptiness as a means for fulfillment, productivity, joy and ease in our lives, work and businesses.
Takeaways
Creating space and emptiness in our lives is essential for cultivating awareness and meaningful thought.
Over-saturation and constant busyness can lead to feelings of confusion, purposelessness, and existential dread.
Saying no to non-essential commitments and setting boundaries with technology can help reclaim time and embrace emptiness.
Practicing stillness, waiting, and boredom can lead to profound insights and meaningful experiences.
Embracing emptiness and prioritizing spaciousness can lead to increased productivity, inspiration, and fulfillment.
Episode Themes: space, emptiness, awareness, meaningful thought, meaningful production, balance, responsibilities, over-saturation, well-being, reclaiming time, practical suggestions, prioritize spaciousness, corporate culture, business development, personal development, leadership development, coping with the 9-5
Connect with Marie:
Marie Groover https://www.mariegroover.com/
The Corporate Psychic https://www.thecorppsychic.com/
Essential Teams https://www.youressentialteam.com/
Connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/cmariegroover/
Join the Mailing List https://thecorppsychic.myflodesk.com/e7bmhjidj4
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The production of this episode was in collaboration with Lyndsee Nielson.
