🎙 62. Are you Paying Attention? Trusting Yourself and Your Career Path

the spiritual 9-5 podcast transcript

🎧 Listen on Spotify
🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts

Episode Published on February 6, 2024

Transcript:
Intro to the intro —

I have a bit of an announcement to make.

And first, but also very connected, I want to tell you a story. It’s a story about TCP, and Microsoft slash my career in tech, and Essential Teams, and dare I say, employment.

Beyond that, it’s a story about listening to and following your intuition.

The intuition speaks to us in many ways. It’s usually subtle, but sometimes it can get loud. Regardless of how it’s heard, there is wisdom when we listen.

Intro music 🎶

Welcome to The Spiritual 9–5 Podcast. We are here to support you in your day to day, to help you see and know yourself a little bit deeper, and to inspire you to show up in what you’re here to do whether that be your 9–5 or entrepreneurship or art or philanthropy or watching Netflix on your couch or a combination of all of those.

I’m your host, Marie Groover. I’m the founder of two businesses that are here to inspire you to do what you came here to do, and to bring the soul back into the office.

I am so excited to bring you this episode today.

If you haven’t, please leave the show a 5 star rating. And if this episode resonates, consider saving it and sharing it with someone you think it would resonate with too.

Intro music fades 🎶

When I started TCP, I never intended to leave my job. At the time, I worked at Microsoft in a chief of staff office and had been at Microsoft for 6 years. But had been in the corporate/tech world for 9 or 10 years.

And in my working life, I had dips of loving my job and hating my job. Before I started at Microsoft, I saw all of my roles as a means to an end. A means to another place. But when I got to Microsoft, because it was totally unexpected and not in my “plan” for myself, for the first 3 years I really didn’t know what I was doing, and I felt lost and I was really unhappy, and I had many existential crises.

At some point, after reading maybe my 100th self help book, I hired a coach. And I thought that this coach would tell me to quit my job, to devote myself and my life to my poetry and my writing, and that that would be that.

Instead, this coach — who was also a poet — told me that starting a business is like starting a fire. At first, it takes a lot of time, effort, and energy. Starting the fire is one thing, which sometimes takes a lot of time, effort, and energy. But even once that fire has started, you have to keep it alive.

You are familiar with this, right?

If you just start a fire and walk away, it typically doesn’t sustain itself — occasionally, the conditions are perfect, and the fires takes. But even still, you have to stoke it. You have to watch it. You have to be with it. And at some point, you can walk away for periods of time, sometimes longer than others. But before you can leave your fire, there’s usually a build up. And before your fire really supports and sustains you, there’s usually a build up. It’s a process.

And starting a business is the same.

I would even say branching into your own type of work, is the same. Discovering your voice, is the same. Practicing a new skill, is the same. Starting a new job, same.

At that time, I wasn’t interested in starting a business. I just wanted to write. I didn’t realize that, even as an artist or creative, you have to support yourself with typically some sort of traditional business foundation. Like, you have to get paid, so an LLC is great but there are other ways or streams to go about it. I didn't know any of them.

And, I didn’t yet know how to make writing support me. I wrote poems, I still do, but I also wrote a genre that wasn’t really a genre, that I hadn’t really seen in any of the things that I read. And I didn’t know what to do with that. I wasn’t sure if the world would be interested in my writing, in my style, in my voice, in what I had to say.

I thought hiring a coach would give me permission to quit Microsoft, but also permission and validation that my writing was good and that I would make it and that people would be interested in the things that I had to say.

And instead, hiring a coach (which was the most money I had ever spent on anything other than my college education, btw, up until that point) showed me who I was.

Hiring a coach showed me who I was.

We went on a deep journey together and I found my purpose, I connected to the unchanging parts of me, I found stability in myself from a really deep place. From within, not with out. In just a few short sessions even.

In turn, the way I showed up in the world changed, big time. And the way I viewed the world also changed, big time.

In my job, I was no longer a victim, but I was the one holding power. And my job was working for me. My job was working for me, I wasn’t working for it. I wasn’t working for anyone else. I was myself and my job worked for me.

And I realized that I could fulfill my life’s work and purpose while getting paid doing someone else’s work and purpose. Because I realized that our purpose is not tied to a job title or job description. It’s deeper than that.

I could be my full self at work.

And so, I came to LOVE my job. Not because the work was particularly interesting, like maybe rocket science might be, but because I could fulfill my life work at work. Because I could be good at my job, while being wholly myself. Because, I was making well over 6-figures while mastering solid boundaries to my personal life.

And, I was spending every second of my personal life living and being who I wanted, doing the things that sparked joy in my life.

And suddenly, everything fit and felt so good, and I no longer wanted to quit my job. I no longer questioned whether or not I wanted to be at work, because I understood how my work supported me. Me – the person that I truly was; not me – the person that maybe I had been projecting before.

And after a few years of everything fitting and feeling so good, the idea for TCP, The Corporate Psychic, dropped into my being. It dropped in as I was off the beach, as I was walking off the beach after a surf, and it dropped in as a statement, a phrase: “a union of opposites.”

I felt a dare from the universe in the form of a question. That question was, “What would it look like to integrate these opposing forces within you, and to heal others with this same integration?”

You see, we so easily fall into the black and white trap. It’s this or that. It’s a 9-5 or be an artist. It’s a 9-5 or be a yoga teacher. You can do both but you can’t like it. It’s too conflicting.

When actually, there’s no conflict. The only conflict is trying to fit yourself into an identity and making that identity one coherent, cohesive thing. And the thing is, part of being human is complexity. It is duality. It is holding multiple identities. It is weaving those identities together and the cohesion is you.

Yet what we tend to do, for our ego, or our identity’s sake, is we try to fit ourselves into one box that makes sense. In the very least, that makes sense to us. But also for the world. And that’s not healing. That’s perpetuating the suppression of other parts of us that don’t fit into that box.

And at that moment, when TCP dropped into my being, I was sick of the narrative that you needed to quit your job to be happy, or to find out who you were. Simply because I learned that there was another way, and that that actually wasn’t true.

My experience taught me that you could be very happy and fulfilled doing mundane, not particularly exciting work, and doing it well and living authentically. And that that didn’t make you a ‘mindless sheep.’ The only thing that makes you a ‘mindless sheep’ is not paying attention. Not having your eyes open to the life that you’re living. My experience taught me that you truly don’t have to fit in any boxes. And that your life is your life. Period.

Are you paying attention?

So, that was the inception of TCP. I never imagined that it would grow the way it did, and that people would respond the way they did. It was a slow start, kind of, but it was also a fast start.

Things were moving, momentum was palpable. And one year later, I put in my notice at Microsoft. And, I’ve shared in the past some of what was behind that. But I’ll share a little bit more today.

In November of 2021, a few short months, maybe 6, after I started my business, I pulled tarot for myself and the message as I read it, was to quit my job. And I was like “nope.”

Because, I definitely wasn’t making the money that I wanted to be with my business alone, and I also had just bought a house at the beach, just closed, so my mortgage was like, the most money I’ve ever spent on anything on a recurring basis. And TCP was meant to be an experiment, a side project, a fun outlet, a way of expression, a way of art, writing, fun, service to the world, and I didn’t anticipate it ever to be the thing that supported me.

And I was like, no, just no.

So, shortly thereafter, I had an astrology reading, which also indicated that I would probably quit my job within the next year.

And I will still like, nah. Nah brah. Not interested.

But the messages kept getting louder, and the synchronicities kept building up, and I kept saying no. And then, January 2022 hit me hard.

On New Year's day, I launched my podcast, this one, The Spiritual 9-5, and at the same time, I found out that my then-boyfriend had been keeping a really big, like life-impacting secret from me. And then, a couple days later, his dad went into the hospital. And then, maybe not even a week later, my mom went into the hospital. And then my aunt died. And then my dog died. And we had a freak winter freeze and the pipes under my house burst. And at that point, I was still new in my home so I didn’t even know where the water main was. I didn’t know how to turn the water off. It was such a disaster. And then my boyfriend’s, ex-boyfriend’s, dad died. And then my ex-boyfriend went to rehab.

And I’m probably forgetting some things, which is insane, because literally any one of those events is like a lot of trauma.

So, during the months between January and April of 2021, I was barely able to show up at work. I was piecing work together, and I was pleading for other people to fill in for me on a regular basis. Like, I’m not sure if there was a full work week between January and April 2021 that I worked all 5 days. It was such a disaster. It felt so uncomfortable. I was overwhelmed and disconnected, but holding it together the best that I possibly could considering the circumstances.

And I kept feeling internally that I needed to leave my job.

And I remember asking God, asking the universe, asking the energy around me: “Why now? My job is the only stability that I have, my entire life is falling apart, how could I possibly leave my job. Like, do you see this mess around me?”

And I remember viscerally hearing a response, which was: “Why do you think all of this is happening?”

I realized, my job will go on without me. And while I was experiencing the hardest time of my life to date, my business was kind of booming. It was duality in its extremes. Because on one side my life was such a high, and such a culmination of what I had been working for – which was my business. Even though I wasn’t plugged in all the way! Because tragedy after tragedy after tragedy was happening. And then on the other side of my life, it was complete and total devastation. And holding that duality, btw, was one of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned thus far.

And so, through everything, all of the things that my life was full of at that time, Microsoft was at the very bottom of my list – I mean how could it not be? Life became so fragile and so potent for me, that I was like, “I can’t be here for another minute.”

So, I put my notice in.

To feel secure in my decision, I told myself that I would take a year and then re-evaluate, that I could always go back to work, that this wasn’t a big deal.

And on my 7 year anniversary, I left Microsoft behind. I never intended to do it, but sometimes the universe calls and we pick up the phone. We answer. We listen.

And btw, I know this sounds INSANE, but almost immediately after I put my notice in, my life started to settle. I’m sure it’s a coincidence, but it felt really, really uncanny.

Because the message kept getting louder and louder and louder – ”You need to quit. You need to quit. You need to quit.” My life was devastating and the message was getting louder, louder, louder, and louder. And then I listened. And then my life just eased up.

And yet…

After I left Microsoft, I went through a period of deep grief and processing. Processing everything that I had experienced in corporate. So, I was at Microsoft for 7 years, but I was in the corporate world for over 10. And even though I had made such beautiful peace with my life and in my work, there was a lot of pain and actually trauma to process from my time in corporate.

Sounds dramatic, but truly, when things move really quickly around you, which they tend to move very fast in the corporate space, you tend to be holding information and tasks and people that exceed your nervous system’s capacity, and then things are constantly switching and changing and moving. And when things are moving that quickly, you don’t always pause to check in on how certain experiences really land in your body. And because you don’t pause, because you don’t handle it, because you don’t clear it out, your body actually stores it, while your mind moves forward. Or, while your mind thinks it’s moving forward.

And we often almost gaslight ourselves when it comes to experiences in corporate or at work, because we think that it’s work, and that we shouldn’t FEEL things and take things personally, AKA we learn to turn off our human, the human side of us. And that’s the normal, as we see it, when we’re at work. And I’m not saying work does this, I’m saying we do this. We are accountable for this within ourselves.

Except turning off the human elements of us is not normal at all, and while our brains can maybe get that, our bodies cannot. Our nervous systems cannot.

And so, we need to learn how to self-regulate and process and integrate in real time, most especially in the corporate world. Otherwise, we experience little traumas and wounds that we don’t deal with until they pile up.

And the pile up can result in burn out, in needing extensive therapy, in unexpected and unexplained grief or anger. In, I don’t know, rage quitting your job. I’ve seen people do this. And I don’t mean that we need to like talk about our feelings at work to keep the pile up from happening. We don’t need to do that.

But we do need to learn how to reparent ourselves, and how to be with the nervous system, so that we can complete stress cycles on our own, so that we are not harboring old energy and allowing it pile up in our bodies – causing stress, burn out, disease, etc.

Enter: Essential Teams. After being away from corporate, and processing a lot of what I experienced in corporate, I realized that I really wanted to go back, in the way of providing meaningful and healing services to the corporate world. Because, there’s a gap. There’s still a gap. There’s an opportunity. It’s a big opportunity here. And, I believe in this type of work.

And in true TCP, in true The Corporate Psychic fashion, and true interest of the tension between opposites and the seeming duality that we hold, I don’t believe that the only way to heal the self is to unplug from corporate matrix. I believe that healing is unsustainable if we have to do it on an island, or only in certain ways, or only in certain places.

Now, that doesn’t mean that people don’t leave corporate and find themselves. And that people don’t leave corporate and heal themselves. I think this happens, I think this happens all the time. And, I don’t believe that that’s the way for everyone.

So, Essential Teams was born. And as I was building Essential Teams, which has a very different build than TCP. TCP was like following the magic, and trying all these things, and following the intuition at every step, and the energy was electric and it was very flexible and fast, and valued forward momentum.

ET, Essential Teams, on the other hand, was still very much intuitively created, but it was slower and more deliberate. I spent 9 months birthing Essential Teams into the world, and really, the inception was from 2 or 3 years prior.

I did market research. I talked to so many colleagues and peers and friends and mentors from the corporate space. I really approached it differently than The Corporate Psychic. So it was a long, slow road. But fruitful.

And as I was in the throes of it, months ago, I went to bed one night and I had a dream. I was working in an office with a bunch of cubicles, and the lights were dim or turned off, and everyone was gone and all of the cubicles were empty. In my dream, I was packing a box of my things. I was leading a product that got shut down, at some tech company, and the whole department, the whole product team for this, got let go. And I wasn’t upset about it in my dream. I was somewhat happily packing the last of my things and almost smiling a little. I understood that these things happen. And in my dream, I felt at peace. I grabbed my box and started to walk out the door, and a friend and former colleague that I know from real life walked in, in my dream. Someone that I worked with at Microsoft, and this person was like, “What are you doing?” And I was like, “Oh my product got shut down, I am leaving for good.” And this person goes, “I just took over a new department here, why don’t you come work for me?”

And in my dream, I followed him into this nice corner office with a beautiful view and a big beautiful desk, and they walked out as I started to unpack my box and set up my new workstation. In my dream, I was like his chief of staff or his right hand person, focusing on operations and metrics and whatever was top of mind for him.

The next morning, I woke up and checked my phone. And this person, that was in my dream, had texted me the night before! He was at a conference that normally I would have been at if I were in the tech world still. And we used to work together, on a team, and the team that we all used to work together with, they were all there. So the team was getting together and he was seeing if I wanted to meet up with everyone. And my response was like, “This is uncanny as hell!” My response in my head, btw. This is what I was thinking, “ I was like what in the actual eff?! I haven’t talked to this guy in years and I had a dream about him at maybe the precise time that he’s texting me? That’s so weird.”

So, I responded to him, I texted him back. I was like, “No I’m not there. I don’t do that anymore. But this is really weird, I had a dream about you last night.” And I told him my dream. And he goes, “That is so weird because I did just take over a new organization at the company that I’m working with now.” And he said, “I will be needing to hire a role similar to the one you mentioned.”

And I was like WHAT?! That’s insane. Talk about premonition. So I was definitely not in the job market when we connected, but I said let’s keep in touch. And, I ended up interviewing with the team and I got an offer to do business strategy and operations for the CTO office.

And, I accepted.

And that is my big announcement.

As of the time that you are listening to this episode, I am very likely actively onboarding as a senior manager at Crowdstrike.

And what I will say is this, sometimes, the universe calls and it doesn’t always make sense. And it doesn’t have to. And, it doesn’t have to mean anything about you. The invitation is not to jump into story. The invitation is to pick up the phone.

So, when the universe called me, I picked up the phone.

Time and time and time again, btw.

And Essential Teams isn’t going anywhere, for the record. TCP, The Corporate Psychic, also isn’t going anywhere, for the record. I anticipated a really big change, such as this one, months ago. And it’s a huge part of why VISIBILITY was TCP’s singular coaching offer for 2024. Essential Teams is still accepting clients for team building and development. I have a wonderful team supporting this work and me in both spaces, so we are not going anywhere.

I have really big plans for creating cohesion and almost a shared experience between the two digital worlds and maybe some really beautifully cross-pollinated free resources as well. So, I hope that you stick around for this next chapter of my life and my life’s work, but also in the evolution of Essential Teams and TCP, two businesses that are my babies.

And as for this podcast, The Spiritual 9-5, it is definitely not going anywhere. And I’m really excited to re-embrace the narrative that you can be both, that you can be it all. There is an entire universe that exists within you, and you don’t have to fit in one category or identity or brand color palette or mood or vibe or job title or persona.

Life offers you really unexpected, really weird turns sometimes.

How might you open yourself fully to them? Even when you don’t know yet how they make sense?

Even when they are not what you thought.

Because it’s so easy to dismiss the phone call from the universe. It is so easy to say, “That doesn’t make sense. That isn’t for me. That doesn’t fit into my life or my ideology or my way of being.” And to write off invitations that maybe they don’t make sense, maybe they don’t fit at this particular moment, but that could very well be for you and you alone.

I’ve witnessed so many people just get smacked with the most brilliant ideas for business or for a project or for their job, for their team, and just not do it because they're like, “Aw I’m not the right person.” or “Oh I don’t think this is for me.” or “Oh, I just don’t know.” And I’ve witnessed people get incredible opportunities just dropped onto their laps, and turn them down because it didn’t fit their current view or perspective of themselves or their life.

And so, two things that I say, that I will leave you with (you’ve heard me say them before and you’ll hear me say them again) is this:

The story never makes sense when we are in it. – How can you get out of the story and into your life?

And, number two: when the universe calls, pick up the phone.

I invite you to reflect on your own life and your life’s work today. What were some of the twists and turns that maybe you didn’t expect, or you couldn’t explain, but that whole-heartedly contributed to who you have become?

How can you be more open to what is presenting itself to you, and rather than combat it with all the reasons why not, how can you surrender into it to see what’s actually there?

Because it’s all happening for you. And you don’t always have to say yes. But when uncanny shit lines up, you’ve gotta at least find out, right?

So in the coming weeks, I’ll be talking much more about what my new role is, why I am REALLY pumped and excited for it, and I’ll be sharing some learnings along the way.

Remember, The Spiritual 9–5 isn’t going anywhere. It’s just about to get a little bit more interesting.

So stay tuned, and thank you for being here.

Outro music 🎶

Thank you so much for listening to The Spiritual 9-5 Podcast. I’m your host, Marie Groover, and I am beyond honored that you are here. Please follow, save and rate the show. And if you can, share your favorite episode with a friend. It makes the world of a difference.

Connect with me on LinkedIn, I would love to hear from you what you think about the show or my work – so don’t be shy. And, I’m always here to connect and support you or your business through coaching, team building and leadership development. You can find my work in the show notes.

And until next time, big love.

Outro music fades 🎶

___

Shownotes:

Our career paths are not linear and quite often come full circle. In this episode, Marie reflects on her own personal career path, beginning with her time in corporate and through building her own companies. She reflects on how she’s experienced both embracing a 9-5 role as well as entrepreneurship, and has found that you don’t have to be just one or the other. She reflects on trusting in the timing of your career path and being sure to pick up the phone when the universe calls – you never know when your next opportunity might present itself or when the inspiration will strike!

Episode themes: Career Path | Employment | Mindset | Entrepreneurship | Corporate | Business Development | Business Values | Life’s Work | Healing

Links:

Rae Dohar Coaching: https://www.raedohar.com/

Essential Teams: https://www.youressentialteam.com/

The Corporate Psychic Resources + Pod Transcripts: https://www.thecorppsychic.com/resources-index

Connect with Marie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cmariegroover/

The production of this episode was in collaboration with Lyndsee Nielson. See her work here: www.lyndseeloves.com