🎙 63. Getting Comfortable With the Uncomfortable: Training Your Mind To Support Your Forward Momentum

podcast

Feb 13

the spiritual 9-5 podcast transcript

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Episode Published on February 13, 2024

Transcript:

Intro to the intro —

Welcome to the Spiritual 9-5 Podcast. We are here to support you in your day today, to help you see and know yourself a little bit deeper, and to inspire you to show up in what you are here to do, whether that be your 9-5, or entrepreneurship, or art, or philanthropy, or watching Netflix on your couch, or a combination of all of those and more. I'm your host, Marie Groover.

Like you, I'm as multi-passionate as they come. I'm the founder of two businesses that are here to bring the soul back into the office. I, too, work a 9-5 in corporate tech.

I'm also a surfer, a writer, a philosopher-artist, if you will, and I'm so excited to bring you this episode today. If you haven't, please leave the show a 5-star rating, and if this episode resonates, consider saving it and sharing it with someone you think it would resonate with, too.

Intro music 🎶

Here's the thing – our brains justify the crap out of doing something that isn't good for us, or not doing something that is good for us, especially if what is good for us is going to make us a little or a lot uncomfortable.

Anything new or irregular is going to make us a little or a lot uncomfortable, even if it's for the better.

So anytime we're trying to do something new, we're trying to shake something up, we're experiencing something we haven't, the brain is going to justify to us why we don't need to, shouldn't, should be doing something else to bring us back to the familiar.

So for example, if you're trying to build the habit or muscle to work out every single day, but you currently don't work out every single day, your brain is going to give you every reason why you don't actually need to work out daily until this new habit is built.

And your brain firing off all these reasons for why you don't actually need to work out is going to make you feel less motivated to work out, aka it's going to make you feel like not working out, even if you want to work out.

Why?

Because our thoughts, conscious or subconscious, catalyze our feelings. We don't always feel based on the world around us, we don't feel based on what's actually happening to us, we feel based on what we are thinking.

So for example, if someone says something rude to you and then you have a big feeling, you have a reaction. Your big feeling didn't come from the external trigger of someone saying something rude, it actually came from what you thought about whatever someone said to you, whether the thought was conscious or not.

It's the thought that produces the feeling. The mental context that you give to your external happenings is what arises into feelings.

Your thoughts catalyze your feelings and then your feelings move you into action. You act based on how you feel and then of course your actions directly affect your results.

So if you want to work out every day but you haven't built that muscle yet, the key is not necessarily to force yourself, because forcing is not always sustainable.

Instead the key is going to be intentionally cultivating thoughts that allow you to feel motivated to work out, to feel good and excited and inspired about working out because the way you feel is what moves you and it also dictates the quality of your movement or your actions.

If you're not paying attention, if you're not intentionally creating these thoughts, your unconscious programming will totally sabotage you every single time. Your brain will be like, “You don't have time to work out today, you have 800,000 other things to do, it's okay to skip a day, missing one day won't affect your results,” etc. etc. etc. etc.

We are so smart and our brains are SO GOOD at keeping us comfortable, keeping us in the familiar, that justifying what isn't going to actually help us is easy. It's effortless. It happens naturally all the time behind the scenes whether we want it to or not, whether we are aware of it or not.

This is why training your mindset, training your intentions, training the thoughts conscious and unconscious is so crucial and important.

All of that is to say that when we want to try something new, like build a different habit, change a part of ourselves, show up more accountably or responsibly, set out in a new direction, change jobs or professions or industries, start a business, show up more consciously in our relationships, leave a relationship, etc. etc. – it will take effort to pay attention, to be aware and to choose and cultivate our thoughts intentionally in order to be successful.

Effort in change and transformation is inevitable, but the quality of the effort we put forth is worth talking about. The type of the effort we put forth is worth talking about. Where we exert effort is worth talking about. It's not about effort for effort's sake but where and how we are using it. And that's what this episode is about today.

And I will add, if you are a recovering perfectionist or you have a relationship with yourself that has historically been self-critical, where you shame yourself or judge yourself when you do things imperfectly, when you quote ‘could have been better,’ ‘gone further,’ ‘achieved more,’ ‘made more,’ whatever.

If you are aware of your perfectionism tendencies, if you are working on healing yourself or being kinder to yourself, being compassionate with yourself.

So if you are both a recovering perfectionist and working on cultivating self-compassion and kindness over criticism, it may be hard for you to determine when to push or when to release and rest or even full stop.

I think in general this can be a tough question for many people, by the way, when to push, when to release. But I see this most especially in my clients who are historically high achievers, and then at some point they burn out or have burned out.

The pendulum usually swings in extremes in the beginning before we find balance, right? So the pendulum, especially with my clients, usually swings from hardcore high achievement and success at all costs to the extreme other end of the swing of the spectrum, which is being too easy on the self.

Letting the self off the hook a lot, which in turn can also yield unconscious or conscious guilt and shame, especially if guilt and shame was a conscious or unconscious method that we use to get ourselves to do things in the past historically.

And when this happens, when the pendulum is swinging hardcore left, hardcore right, high achievement to letting ourselves off the hook, there becomes a muddiness for if and when we should push or not push, if and when we should feel guilty or not get guilty, if and when we should be doing more or less.

And I'm not here to tell you if you should push or not push, if you should give yourself a break or keep going. I trust you to know exactly what is right for you at every moment and crossroads that you find yourself at.

And, what I will say is that, when we set out to go somewhere, we don't magically appear there.

We take action to get there. We take steps toward our destination. And there is no getting out of that. If you want to achieve something, you have to do what it takes to get there.

And the quality of your journey matters. You have control over it. You can decide how you'd like it to be and feel and how you will get to where you're going. And it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

I'm here to say this:

Self-compassion and hard work are not mutually exclusive. Self-compassion and listening to the body, listening to the intuition, it's not mutually exclusive with pushing ourselves super hard, with doing everything that it takes.

And in fact, when you can combine self-compassion and kindness with effort and hard work and determination, you have a really beautiful formula that allows you to experience your growth edge, allows you to achieve what you set out to, and to not burn out and to not take it too far too fast.

So what does that look like?

In the context of this conversation, it looks like support. It looks like opening ourselves up to nourishing support.

What would be really supportive for you to get where it is that you want to go?

AKA what would be really supportive and nourishing for you to DO WHAT IT TAKES to get to where you want to go?

The question isn't “what support do you need?” It's what support would be nice, would be nourishing, would be effective for you to do what it takes, (AKA not let yourself off the hook) to get to where you want to go.

Let me give you an example:

I downloaded an app six-ish weeks ago – it's called Superhuman. (By the way, this is not a sponsored podcast episode or even a promotion of this app. This is just my experience and a story.)

So Superhuman has a library full of meditation-like audio experiences that you can listen to while you do other things like working out, getting ready in the morning, walking, drinking your coffee, grocery shopping, etc. etc.

It's supposed to be a tool that gives you a little bit of an edge. And I really like the idea because listening to positive and uplifting audios is a great way to practice cultivating positive thoughts and feelings and experiences while you are in your normal day-to-day activities.

So I wanted to test it out and they do a two-week free trial. I signed up with the intention of canceling before the trial ended because while I really like the idea and think it's so cool, I don't identify myself as someone who particularly needs this kind of app.

And I've been trying to rein in my spending on non-necessities when it comes to growth and development because I love to buy all things growth and development related. And by the way, pro tip, when you subscribe to all the tools and all the things, you don't actually ever have time to practice or use all the tools or all the things. So again, unsolicited side note and pro tip, don't bombard yourself with tools and practices. Pick one or at least one at a time and see how it goes. Cull them when you can, especially when you're committing money, time, and energy all together.

Because when you sign up for all these things that seem like they're going to be supportive and helpful but you have so many things to choose from all the time, you're actually leaking energy.

So anyways, back to Superhuman. After all that, I tried it and for some reason I didn't cancel it.

And that reason, by the way, is that I have ADHD and canceling subscriptions or manually doing anything that's super simple that takes only five seconds is, for whatever reason, really difficult for me to actually execute.

So, six or seven weeks after downloading this app and using it a few times, I wake up and spend an entire hour in bed fighting with myself about whether or not I should go for the run that I told myself I would go on the night before. An hour! I spent a whole hour just debating and like fighting with myself.

Finally, I prevail. I get myself out of bed into my running clothes, mentally preparing myself to face the cold February wind. And at the last minute before walking out of the door, I decided to open Superhuman to see if there was an audio for running. And there was. So I hit play.

Mind you, I usually exclusively listen to hype music when I run, but this day I chose Superhuman. It was noticeably kind of cheesy at first..I start running..before the end of one block, I find myself, I notice that I'm back in a battle with my mind. The wind was cutting my skin through my clothes and my mind was like, this fucking sucks. Because it was, I was hyper aware of the conditions. I was laser focused on how cold I was and how awful it felt to be running.

And I witnessed myself contemplating turning around.

But then I heard in this audio, “don't stop now,” followed by some other inspiring things to keep the listener going.

Hearing this, my mind switched focus. It redirected from the cold piercing wind to the kind of cheesy music and the voice that was speaking in my ears telling me that I got this, reminding me why I'm doing this. And suddenly the music didn't seem so cheesy.

Dare I say, I kind of got into it?

And before I say anything else, I have to add this: Would I have actually turned around if I was listening to music instead of this inspiring audio?

No, probably not.

In my 20 plus years of running, I have never, ever turned around so early after starting a run. So, I am absolutely not about to give credit to this app for keeping me going. Because I've been running long enough and long distance long enough that I know how to keep myself going.

And yet, hearing those words of inspiration precisely at the moment my mind was ready to make my run infinitely more difficult and effortful, made my running easier. Hearing those words made the feeling and the action of running less effortful. It felt easier to keep going.

Noticing this, I leaned into the audio and there were moments of my run where I would almost, like, come to and I would think to myself, “Did I black out? Am I already here at this house or this mailbox or this point of reference where I usually feel like dying? Do I still feel good right now?”

NOTICEABLY, I felt less pain and discomfort and agitation than I normally do when I'm running at various points of location, especially when I'm kind of out of shape, which I am right now. And I can say definitively, that while the audio was not a make-or-break for my completion of the run, it absolutely contributed to the quality of my run, to the speed of my run, to the amount of effort I felt during and throughout my run, all for the better.

Will I always listen to this kind of audio when I'm running from now on?

Probably not.

But will I when I'm particularly unmotivated or cranky?

HELL YES I will.

Because I can do it without that kind of support. But holy gee y'all, does support feel really, really, really good when we let ourselves have it? When we lean into it? When we accept it? It doesn't just feel good, but it feels easier, lighter, more sustainable. It feels loving and compassionate and validating and sometimes even fun.

This is how support can feel when we let ourselves have it. When we release the seeming duality of all or nothing. When we release whatever ideas we have about how we need to be to achieve what we want.

What if it doesn't have to be hard? What if it doesn't have to be sacrificial? What if it doesn't have to be that much effort? What if we found ways to release the burden of effort and instead allowed ourselves support so that we can do the things that are required for success, but without so much of the pain?

A few minutes ago I said, “The question isn't what support do you need, it's what support would be nice, would be nourishing, would be effective for you to do what it takes?” (AKA not let yourself off the hook) What support would be nice, would be nourishing to get you to where you want to go?

Because the quality of how you get there matters.

Forcing yourself is unsustainable and it's not necessary and it doesn't feel fun.

If you ever find yourself in a position where you question whether you should keep going, if you should push or stop or even slow down, consider that you don't have to do either.

You maybe don't have to choose stop or go.

Consider that there may be support available to you that can make the effort required feel easy.

Because there is.

A coach is a great support system by the way. A coach is a great resource for support both directly in the act of coaching, but also through recommendations and tools and frameworks and systems that could be supportive for you as well.

Do you need a coach? No, probably not.

But would it be nice and feel nourishing for you? Maybe.

Would it make your life easier? Maybe.

Would it make your goals feel less effortful? Probably.

Coaching aside, I will leave you with these questions:

What would be really nourishing for you today or this week or this month?

What is something that would be really supportive to you in the pursuit of your goals that you'd normally pass on, that you'd normally not let yourself have because you don't really need it?

How can you gift yourself this kind of support more often?

How might you remember that it doesn't always have to be so hard and that doesn't mean that we take it easier on ourselves and walk when we are capable of running, as a metaphor of course. What support would make the work it takes to achieve your goals less effortful, less of a battle, more natural, more full of ease, more fun?

Let's do more of that because life, because pursuing hard things, doesn't always have to be so hard.

How can we make it easier on ourselves to show up without letting ourselves off the hook?

Outro music 🎶

Thank you so much for listening to The Spiritual 9 to 5 Podcast. I'm your host Marie Groover and I am beyond honored that you are here. Please follow, save, and rate the show and if you can, share your favorite episode with a friend.

It makes the world of a difference. Connect with me on LinkedIn. I would love to hear from you what you think about the show or my work, so don't be shy.

And I'm always here to connect and support you or your business through coaching, team building, and leadership development. You can find my work in the show notes. Until next time, Big Love.

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Shownotes:

When we are intentional with our thoughts, our bodies will respond in kind. Yet, our brains are so good at keeping us comfortable and complacent in the familiar.

In this episode, Marie talks about how training our mindset – our conscious and unconscious thoughts and intentions – helps us more purposefully navigate difficult situations. Through consciously channeling our effort in a way that feels intentional, and seeking support when we’d benefit from it, we are better equipped to achieve what we’re setting out to do. Self compassion and hard work can go hand in hand to getting us where we want to go.

Links:

Superhuman app: https://www.superhuman.app/

The Corporate Psychic Resources + Pod Transcripts: https://www.thecorppsychic.com/resources-index

Essential Teams: https://www.youressentialteam.com/

Connect with Marie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cmariegroover/

The production of this episode was in collaboration with Lyndsee Nielson. Check out her website here: ⁠www.lyndseeloves.com⁠

Connect with Lyndsee on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lyndseenielson/