It’s not your job that’s making you feel vaguely dissatisfied with your life. It’s you.
I’m going to say it again: It’s not your job that’s making you feel vaguely dissatisfied with your life. It’s you.
As a coach who has quit her very cushy, very corporate, very well-paid 9-5 to run her own business, a lot of people want to know how I did it. Many of my clients hire me for 1-1 coaching because ultimately, they want to figure out how to leave their corporate careers behind and pave their own way.
Meanwhile, the first thing that we often discuss is why quitting their job is not the answer that they are looking for – at least, not yet.
But before we talk about why I don’t believe quitting the 9-5 is the answer that many people are actually seeking, let’s talk about why it might be. Or rather, let’s read this quote by David Cain in his essay, Your Lifestyle Has Already Been Designed For You:
“But the 8-hour work day is too profitable for big business, not because of the amount of work people get done in eight hours (the average office worker gets less than three hours of actual work done in 8 hours) but because it makes for such a purchase-happy public. Keeping free time scarce means people pay a lot more for convenience, gratification, and any other relief they can buy. It keeps them watching television, and its commercials. It keeps them unambitious outside of work.
We’ve been led into a culture that has been engineered to leave us tired, hungry for indulgence, willing to pay a lot for convenience and entertainment, and most importantly, vaguely dissatisfied with our lives so that we continue wanting things we don’t have. We buy so much because it always seems like something is still missing.”
I chose this quote particularly because a client of mine shared it. It was so compelling that I actually re-shared it to my stories on Instagram, eliciting corporate 9-5 commiseration among my dms.
And understandably so. Reading this, it would seem that getting out of the 8-hour workday would be the solution. And, maybe it is a solution.
But what if that’s not enough?
You see, my experience has taught me that there’s often not one bad guy at the center of all of our problems. And therefore, there is rarely one solution or hero to save the day.
We are where we are through an accumulation of circumstances and choices both within and without our control. That is, we feel the way we feel, we act the way we act, we think the way we think as a result of our entire life experience (not just our jobs).
There is no magic button or pill that will resolve our current circumstance or way of being, nor make sense of it (nor is making sense of it the solution to it all).
The truth is, the antidote to dissatisfaction is satisfaction itself. And satisfaction itself is a conscious discovery and a practice over time, that begins with awareness.
Many of us genuinely believe that if we only had *more time* that we would finally write that book, start that business, volunteer at that shelter, spend more time outdoors, and generally be a better version of ourselves doing the things that we think we want to be doing.
And, many of us forget why we began working for someone else in the first place (for more time, money, freedom, flexibility, etc - so that we can do the things that we want to be doing and be the person that we want to become).
Yet many of us are not doing the things that we want to be doing. We aren’t experiencing true satisfaction because we are too busy thinking that we are creating the right conditions for satisfaction by engaging in thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are actually dissatisfying. (Have you ever thought: “I’ll do that when I retire.” or even “I’ll be happy when it’s the weekend.” while you continued to engage in something that was less-than ideal?)
Because our way of being right now is an accumulation of circumstances and choices (resulting in thoughts, feelings, and ultimately actions),
Right now, we have to start choosing a better way. We have to practice being what it is that we seek. No more waiting for retirement or the weekend, because sorry friend, “wherever you go, there you are”*.
If you think that your job is contributing to your unhappiness, before you quit, this is what I recommend:
Look at your job as a resource that contributes to the life that you want to create and use it. You are not working for your job, but your job is working for you. Yes, this will mean actually creating boundaries (like, logging off at 5 - or even 4:30! - so that you can go have and enjoy a life outside of work). And no, healthy boundaries will not get you fired (if they do, consider it a blessing). Anytime you start to feel bogged down by your career, remember that you are trading your time and effort for a life that you are building for yourself. Don't get it twisted.
Practice self-awareness. Are you buying things that you don’t actually want or need? Are you spending the bulk of your time doing things you don’t truly enjoy? Do you feel vaguely dissatisfied or even miserable as a baseline? Notice these things!
Be compassionate with yourself. Kindness goes a long way. And absolutely do not identify with the things you are becoming aware of. If you happen to notice that you spend every single evening binging Netflix instead of making progress on your personal projects, that does not mean that you are a lazy couch slob. It just means that you have been spending a lot of time watching Netflix.
Make small adjustments to address the things you become aware of, but don’t particularly like. These adjustments should be adjustments that bring more joy into your day. Watching less Netflix and engaging in projects or activities that you are excited about is a great adjustment (if you want it to be).
Allow those adjustments to expand, as you begin to let your joy guide you. This will naturally result in more time spent in joy + purpose and less time spent in meaningless or dissatisfying activities.
The steps that I am recommending are steps that allow you to become who you want to be in a way that is sustainable over your life. This is going to allow you to cultivate feelings that you actually want to feel, like joy and ease and satisfaction and happiness vs. the vague feeling of dissatisfaction as a baseline.
Quitting your job cold turkey is not the most direct or sustainable path to happiness, satisfaction, joy or self-actualization.
It’s also not the solution for creating a culture that doesn’t ‘leave us tired, hungry for indulgence, willing to pay a lot for convenience and entertainment,’ etc.
It’s not your job that’s making you feel vaguely dissatisfied with your life. It’s you. And that means that you have the power to change it.
This article was originally published on LinkedIn in February 2023.
This article is *not* a response to David Cain’s essay on a lifestyle that has been designed for us.
*Origin of this quote is debated. The earliest observation of it was by Thomas a Kempis, but it has also been attributed to Jim Russel (Penn State) and John Kabat-Zinn (more on this here).
